I couldn't be more ready for this year to come to a close because it has been, by and far, the worst year of my life. I have a tendency to be dramatic at times, and I know I tend to complain a lot. I also know there were good times thrown into the mix here and there too. But when I say this year has been the worst, I am being fair and accurate.
After I said I didn't want to blog about negative stuff or bring anyone down with my melodramatic posts, I felt the need to write this one. I felt I needed to write it because, somehow, in some way, I'm truly happier than I remember being in a very long time - despite (and perhaps, because of) all of the hardships I've faced.
I know, without a shadow of doubt, that a stronger version of myself is sitting here writing this than the one who sat here a year ago. This year's hardships would have utterly broken and destroyed me in 2010. I wasn't mentally prepared for it then. I didn't have the patience for it, and it would have broken my spirit.
Perhaps, piece by piece and bit by bit, these hardships, trials, tests, tribulations, or whatever you'd prefer to call them, have been blessings in disguise. I've become stronger and braver. I'm more confident, more decisive, and more mature. I've been able to face each problem (with the help of a few supportive friends & family) with a no-nonsense attitude. I figured out what was needed for things to change, and I made it happen.
In a completely unrelated conversation, while I was hanging out with some friends one day at the beach, one friend said "I'm in the business of making shit happen." We laughed because it was hilarious (it's a great little quote, you have to admit), but that's the attitude I have now. I'm in the business of making shit happen.
Here's what happened this year:
- I ended a two and a half year relationship with one of the best men on the planet (& I miss talking to him more than words could ever say because I also lost my best friend).
- I was fired from my job, two weeks after said relationship ended and after I signed a lease on an apartment I can't afford and wiped out my savings account on furniture. Did I mention that I was fired without cause, without warning, and without being given a reason (even after I asked for one)?
- I had a horrible toothache a few weeks after that and went to the dentist. He removed an old filling to replace it but then told me I needed a root canal. So, he re-filled the cavity he just removed, sent me to an endodontist to have it removed for a second time and do the root canal.
- The tooth continued to bother me for months (in fact, it still bothers me today, and I've been back to my dentist to have it looked at SIX times since the root canal was done in May).
- I was unemployed for six months and I hate my new job.
- I had to delay grad school for a year because my mom got sick
- My mom was hospitalized twice within one month and then again for a third time months later (with the most recent admission being yesterday)
As I mentioned earlier, I tend to complain. But, do you know what all of that unimportant stuff above did for me? It made me realize just that---there are things in life far more important than root canals and lost jobs. And, there's always a silver lining. There's always a blessing in disguise.
I ended a relationship with a great guy... BUT I know I made the right decision. We want different things in life and we both deserve to be happy.
I was fired from my job... BUT I'd rather not work for an organization who can just throw an employee out like yesterday's garbage for no reason at all. I don't associate with individuals who have no integrity in my personal life, why would I want to work for a company that has none? And, to be honest, because I wasn't working when my mom got sick, I was able to lighten my dad's load. And, for that, I should send my previous employer a thank you note.
I'm still trying to find the silver lining in the whole root canal situation. Who knows? Maybe, the tooth would have developed a nasty infection if I hadn't gone to the dentist, and that infection could have spread into my blood stream and killed me. I mean, you never can tell.
I'm not particularly fond of my job... BUT it's a job. And, I work for a great company that offers fairly decent pay and excellent benefits. There's also a lot of potential to move up, if that's something I choose to do one day (although, I find that unlikely). Plus, once I finish all of the training, I'll receive a $1500 bonus. I know I won't be complaining when I see that $$$.
I delayed starting grad school for a year... BUT that's the least of my worries right now, and I know it's for the best. If I had to deal with that course work, on top of everything else going on in my life right now, I really would have a nervous breakdown.
My mom being sick sucks. It REALLY sucks. It sucks our Thanksgiving plans were ruined when she had to be hospitalized yesterday. BUT, you know what, she hasn't felt 100% since she's been home and I think this stay will be the one that gets her there. She's alive and feeling better everyday. How can I ask for any more than that?
It's honestly been a breath of fresh air to realize that... bad things happen but I don't have to let them take me down with them. I can choose to see the good. I can choose to be positive. I can choose to be hopeful. I can choose to be happy.
With that said, for the rest of the month (
I'll leave you with a song that really touches my heart.